Make haste slowly! Cross-cultural perspectives for reflection

By: Dr. B. J. Prashantham

Story of the Monkey & a Fish

A monkey and a fish were caught in a terrible flood and were being swept downstream amidst torrents of water and debris.  The monkey spied a branch from an overhanging tree and pulled himself to safety from the swirling water.   Then, wanting to help his friend the fish, he reached into the water and pulled the fish from the water onto the branch.   The moral of the story is clear: ' Good intentions are not enough.  If you wish to help the fish, you must understand its nature'. Ancient Chinese Fable

Freidman’s flat world concept is a reality.  ‘India’s global power houses’ co- authored by our own Pradipto with Nirmalya and Suj raise the importance of cross-cultural perspectives  for economic growth and success mediated through leaders with a global mindset. On a marketing plane, Kraft foods began its success only after learning and adapting to the reality that the Chinese do not like Oreo biscuits to be made sweet and the Indonesians want them sweeter! So, we have three types of Oreo biscuits for three countries and Kraft foods is finally blossoming as a global company with this simple understanding of their global customers. Prahlad has time and again alluded to the opportunities for creative business models for wider application when leaders move with a learning mind and heart beyond their borders. I invite the readers to reflect on the implications of the following ideas, which I found very useful in my cross-cultural training activities including during the last two months of training work with global company heads and leaders in Seattle.

Cultural types

Terrence Brake has given us this useful framework to look at various dimensions of managing globally.  We must remember that these types are not water tight compartments.  A country like India can have features of more than one type.

	Autonomy	Consensus	Status
Key Features	Individuality & Independence	Driven by need for harmony. Alienation from the group can be traumatic	Honor, respect for individuals and groups very important. Identity of individuals connected to a group like family, class, clan etc. Loyalty to strong leaders essential
Where they are found	Australia, New Zealand, USA, Canada, Northern and Western Europe	Many parts of Asia like: Japan and to a lesser extent China and Korea	Southern Europe, South America, Africa and the Middle East
Impact upon communication	Prefer explicit and precise communication.	Are indirect, meaning is dependent on who says what to whom	Tend to be rhetorical, emotional, using exaggeration and repetition
Impact upon motivation	Desire to achieve	Desire to gain affiliation	Desire for power
Feedback	Direct and two-way. US and UK tend to start and end with encouraging words. In Germany criticism is more direct.	Feedback is indirect, informal and continuous. Focus is on performance in the team. Save face.	One way feed back, intermediaries for negative feed back. Reputation is vital.
Presentations	Short, well structured, dynamic with supportive data. Many questions asked.	Low key. Lots of supportive information with visuals. Audience attentive but not participative.	Warm, personal touches and soft sell. Audience will interrupt with many questions.
Negotiations	Fast and tied up with legalities.	Slow and require trust over time, contracts are broad and subject to change.	Take time to form trusting relationships. Impatient with overly legalistic contracts

Applying cross cultural models

In my seminars with leaders from global and Indian Organisations, I use the insights from the work done by people like Terrence Brake (shared above), Hofstede, Triandis and  Tramponar to develop deeper appreciation about cross cultural differences.  Non Indians in my workshop become more conscious of the relative importance of trust building over decision making.  They also realise the hierarchical nature of our culture and the longer time it takes to get things done initially.  This helps them to work with Indians far more effectively.

Similarly, it helps Indian leaders to learn to become more assertive and more explicit in their communication and also lot more structural in the way they manage time. With this heightened appreciation of one another’s culture, global leaders are able to transact business far more effectively.

For reflection

From this idea, can you see possible opportunities to enhance your cultural sensitivity with your multicultural clients, collaborators and competitors?  What creative possibilities occur to you in relation to diversity, inclusion in this fast developing global economy?  Most importantly, how can coaches demonstrate respect and cultural empathy in helping leaders move to the next orbit of excellence?

I would love to hear from you.

Suggested Readings

1. Argyle, M. (1988). Bodily Communication (2nd ed.) Madison: International Universities Press.
2. Auerbach, J.E. (2001). Personal and Executive Coaching: The Complete Guide for Mental Health Professionals. California: Executive College Press.
3. Axtell, R. E. (1993). Do’s and taboos around the world (3rd ed.). New York: The Parker Pen Company.
4. Brake, Terrence.(2002). Managing globally (first American edition).New York: Dorling Kindersley Limited.
5. Hill, C. W. L.(2002). International Business: Competing in the global marketplaces (3rd ed.). Boston: McGraw-Hill.
6. Kumar, N. (2009). India’s Global Powerhouses: How they are taking on the world. Boston: Harvard Business School Publishing.
7. Matsumoto, D.(2000). Culture and Psychology.( 2nd ed.)Belmont,CA:Wadsworth.
8. Morris, D., Collett, P., Marsh, P., O’Shaughnessy, M. (1979). Gestures: Their origins and distribution. New York: Stein and Day Publishers.
9. Passmore, J. (2007). Excellence in Coaching: The Industry Guide. London: Kogan Page
10. Richmond, V. P., McCroskey, J. C., & Payne, S. K. (1991). Nonverbal behavior in interpersonal relations (2nd ed.). Englewood Cliffs: Prentice Hall.
11. Samovar, L. A. & Porter, R. E. (2000). Intercultural communication: A reader (9th ed.). Belmont: Wardsworth Publishing Company.
12. Zuckerman, E.L.(2000). Clinician’s Thesaurus (5th ed.). New York: The Guilford Press.

Dr. B. J. Prashantham is Director Institute for Human Relations, Counselling & Psychotherapy, Christian Counselling Centre , Vellore. He is also an Honorary Member of CFI’s Governing Board.

Building a coaching culture within Organisations

By: Dr. S. Sabesan

As more and more research points out to the impact of managerial styles on employee engagement, companies are realising that the only way to achieve this is by helping their leaders at all levels become coaching oriented in their dialogues. This means they must acquire the necessary skills. As there is pressure on managers to develop their people from within, there is a demand for them to become internal coaches and envision, enable and empower their employees to reach their true potential. As one generation passes on the baton to the other, there is a huge expectation that those with wisdom will play mentorship roles formally or informally. Therefore, coaching is becoming the predominant style of managing and working together. Similarly, commitment to improving the organisation is embedded in a parallel commitment to improving the people.

This is why more and more organisations are talking about creating a coaching culture. Building a coaching culture holds the potential and promise to achieve strategic objectives and improve the business results of the company.

Put differently, when organisations ask themselves, what kind of a culture they need the most in order to achieve their goals in the next 5 years, most are likely to end up referring to coaching orientation in one form or the other.

We at CFI, are witness to a huge interest being shown by many of our clients in creating a coaching culture within their organisations. While these organisations provide a range of development inputs and feedback opportunities to their employees, they believe strongly that unless there is a culture of coaching among those responsible for leadership development, they will not achieve their goals. Therefore, they feel the need to embed a coaching culture into the organisation’s ecosystem.

This means that organisations need to integrate coaching into their talent management processes such as selection, staffing and succession which ensures that people who are hired, promoted and retained are role models for the emerging coaching culture.

 What does a coaching culture bring to the organisation ?

 A coaching culture would result in following specific outcomes to the organisation:

• Leaders could pro-actively contribute to the development of others by being coaching oriented in their conversations.
• People will be able to change roles rapidly as business needs change.
• People will challenge and support their colleagues mutually and live up to the best they are capable of becoming.
• Knowledge will be widely shared and utilised.
• Decision making will become participative.
• A climate of trust and openness will permeate the organisation.
• Learning and development will be viewed as top priority.
• Increased employee engagement, enhanced job satisfaction and morale and greater collaboration among team members will be visible.
• The organisation will be able to reach the market position it deserves rather than where it is today.

How to bring about coaching culture ?

CFI helps address this need by providing the right process frameworks, the skills and guidance.

At the most basic level, all leaders need skills to have powerful conversations, conversations that are full of empathy, attunement, challenge and encouragement. Our programs lay a significant emphasis on skills using the Gerard Egan Skilled Helper model.

Leaders also need the help of a set of processes and guidelines to engage in coaching conversations that lead to meaningful outcomes. CFI has evolved a detailed three stage coaching process which provides coaches with scaffolding to navigate their way through a coaching relationship.

Finally, the organisation itself needs to put in place a sound framework to integrate all its efforts to create a coaching culture. CFI helps create awareness among potential coaches and coachees. In addition to ensuring that the supervising managers are fully involved in the coaching process, CFI also puts in place a supervisory system to ensure that professional standards are adhered to.

To make such an impact at the cultural level, the active involvement of the CEO is critical. It certainly helps if the CEO himself or herself has experienced the benefits of coaching firsthand.

If coaching has to make a significant business impact and has to become a movement like the quality movements and so on, the change must happen at a cultural level.

Dr. S. Sabesan is Director, Programs and Research at Executive and Business Coaching Foundation India Limited.

Leveraging the power of Alternative Interventions in Coaching – A Psychotherapy perspective

By: Shilpa Limsay

 “Presence is more than just being there” – Malcolm Forbes

“If your presence doesn’t make an impact, your absence won’t make a difference” – Unknown

While thinking about how important the “presence” of a person is in any relationship, it also struck me how in my therapy and Coaching work, my “presence” rather than the techniques or methodologies used by me, made all the difference.

It got me thinking as to how this “presence” will help set the tone for the Coach-Coachee relationship and how the relationship between Coach-Coachee is the bedrock on which the success of any Coaching engagement rests on. This belief, in turn draws its essence from the school of HUMANISTIC PSYCHOLOGY, what is alternatively referred to as the third force in psychology.

As an executive Coach who is also a practicing psychotherapist, I am fascinated by some of the similarities between the two fields at their very core.

In this article, I explore this similarity focusing especially on the importance of “presence and instincts.”

Carl Rogers, one of the pioneers of HUMANISTIC PSYCHOLOGY, advocated what is known as the “person centered approach”. Before Carl Rogers, psychological help was largely a directive, prescriptive enterprise consisting of diagnoses, advice, interpretation and authority. With Rogers’ entry, the field was irreversibly pushed in the direction of giving clients more autonomy and responsibility for their treatment. This approach emphasised the potential of humans to learn and grow when provided with the environment of a warm and nurturing relationship.

This approach was based on the assumption that human beings are essentially trustworthy, that they have immense potential for self-understanding and resolving their problems without direct intervention on the therapist’s part and that they are capable of self-directed growth. Rogers emphasised that the personal characteristics and attitudes of the therapist and the quality of client-therapist relationship as the prime determinant of the outcome of the therapy. He consistently relegated to a secondary position matters such as therapist’s knowledge of theory and techniques.

Rogers has identified three attributes that create a growth-promoting atmosphere in which clients can become what they are capable of becoming.

Congruence

Genuineness, openness to experience; the therapist is what he is and without façade.

Unconditional positive regard

The therapist cares and accepts the client as he is and praises without preconditions.

Empathic understanding

The therapist perceives the inner world of the client as if it is his own.

Research has shown that these attributes, and not the therapist’s technical knowledge and skill are drivers for therapeutic change in the client.

In Coaching too, the relationship between the Coach-Coachee is the bedrock on which the Coachee can make huge changes within himself/herself, thereby reinforcing the fact that the relationship is the fundamental part of the Coaching engagement.

I remember a Coaching engagement of mine where the Coachee was a couple of years older than me and had agreed to go through Coaching as he felt that it was an organisational mandate. He appeared to be ‘suitably enthusiastic’ about the Coaching but from the outset, I sensed an attitude of “I don’t need this” and “what will YOU teach me?” My unconscious picked this up and in turn didn’t allow me to have a feeling of unconditional positive regard for him. The Coaching engagement from there on, as can be expected, went down hill…

In hindsight, the engagement could have been put back on track by my being authentic and expressing the following feelings tentatively to him on:

1. his giving out signals that he didn’t need Coaching and
2. his pre-disposition to the belief that a Coach should be male, preferably with graying hair, if not totally bald. And unfortunately, I am neither!

By doing this, I could have started off a more open and authentic relationship with him, or the Coaching engagement could have been closed at the 1st session itself. Either way, a positive direction for the Coaching engagement.

Just the way the “presence” of a Coach/Therapist sets the tone for a relationship the two have, there is another commonality that Therapy and Coaching have – the story behind the story. Coming from the field of Applied Behavioural Science and Psychology, my view is that this concept is extremely relevant. It is imperative that the Coach examines the layers below, as not doing so, could lead to transient, surface level behavioural change.

I will illustrate this with a very interesting Coaching engagement I had with Coachee ‘A’, which is still very close to my heart…“A” was a perfectionist, and after discussions, we arrived at a sub goal where he was “to allow people to make mistakes”.

I had to delve into his family history and subsequently work through his relationship with his father. He was very resentful of his father telling him that his head was filled with “cow-dung” and he would get “nowhere” in life. He had therefore become very competitive and risen through the ranks rapidly to prove a point to his father. He had very high standards for himself and therefore others. Most of my Coaching sessions with him were spent in talking about his relationship with his father and how in his head his father’s voice kept making him feel very judged.“A” and I worked on him starting to appreciate himself for who he was in the corporate context and outside of it as a human being. We also worked on him learning to be kind to himself. In doing this for himself he first started allowing himself to make mistakes (and learn from them) and therefore others…

Would my Coaching with “A” have been possible without our opening up his layers and seeing the story behind the story?

Thirdly, I would like to demystify the world of behavioural science a bit and state how each one of us have the capability within us and can use it for our Coaching work. I believe that all of us have the natural ability to pick up certain signals – which is known as this esoteric thing called “instinct”. If certain facts can validate that instinct I would follow that line of thought.

In my Coaching assignments I have learnt to watch out for small signals that speak – does the Coachee call you up to fix appointments for the sessions, does the Coachee come on time for sessions, and does the Coachee actually embark on the actions that have been discussed in the Coaching sessions. If I have a client who is regularly coming late or “forgetting” the meeting I may bring that up with the Coachee.

I had a Coachee “B”, who seemed reluctant to meet me for the first session itself. He cancelled our session and was also procrastinating about scheduling the sessions. With some difficulty we had our first session where I asked “B” about my observation, that he didn’t seem to want to have to go through the Coaching program. He was equally honest and said that he thought that the Coaching engagement was to “correct” him. I had to explain to him that Coaching was ONLY for top performers and that he was being looked at by his company for being a part of the top talent pipeline. His entire attitude changed from then on and HE would call me to fix sessions eagerly and was very sad when our sessions ended.

We can all use our natural inherent abilities of “presence” and “instinct” to take our Coaching sessions to another level altogether. While Coaches may not be therapists, being therapeutic in their orientation in the way Carl Rogers meant it can make a huge difference. As Margaret Millar said – “Most conversations are simply monologues delivered in the presence of a witness.”

So would you like to be a witness or a presence?

Shilpa Limsay is a CEO Coach and Organisational Change Catalyst based in Bangalore

Leveraging the power of Alternative Interventions in Coaching – a Transactional Analysis perspective

By: Kalpana Tatavarti

As change catalysts, Executive Coaches have to enable Coachees to develop newer ways of thinking, feeling or acting (cognitive, affective or behavioural change).

To enable this, a key skill in Coaches is the ability to understand and articulate human behaviour, thoughts & feelings. Since this human behaviour is couched in an organisational context, a sound grasp of group dynamics is obviously essential.

In other words, Executive Coaches need a sound understanding of the theory of human behaviour and also familiarity with the use of the right techniques that can enable change.

Transactional Analysis (TA)

Transactional Analysis as a ‘theory of personality’ provides a framework to understand and articulate human behaviour in relation to groups; as a ‘theory of social intercourse’, it also provides a set of tools and techniques to enable change. The “underlying philosophy is one of mutual self respect and caring”, which encapsulates CFI’s Coaching values.

This article seeks to outline how Coaches can use some elements of TA to understand human behaviour and also how to use some of the techniques of TA to enable change in their Coachees.

TA was developed by Eric Berne and deals with several aspects of human behaviour: Ego states, which is a structural analysis of personality; Transactions & Strokes which look at communication patterns; Scripts, the analysis of specific life dramas that persons compulsively play out; Life Positions, attitudes with reference to others/the world; Games, Ulterior Transactions played for specific payoffs. Naturally, a discussion of all the above elements is beyond the scope of this article. I will limit myself to how the Ego States model can be used as a framework for understanding human behaviour and as a technique to enable change.

Ego States

A framework of personality & a technique to catalyse behaviour change

According to Berne, all personalities are made up of three ego states – Parent, Adult & Child. At any given point in time, a person operates in one of the three distinct ego states. (The parent and child are subdivided into two each, making it five behaviour styles). All three ego states are important for a healthy personality. 

The Three Ego states can be defined as follows:

The Parent Ego state contains the attitudes and behaviour incorporated from external sources, primarily parents. Outwardly, it often is expressed toward others in prejudiced, critical behaviours or nurturing behaviours. Inwardly, it is experienced as old Parental messages which continue to influence the inner Child.

The Adult Ego state is not related to a person’s age. It is oriented to current reality and the objective gathering of information. It is organised, adaptable, intelligent, and functions by testing reality, estimating probabilities, and computing dispassionately.

The Child Ego state contains all the impulses that come naturally to an infant. It also contains the recordings of the child’s early experiences, responses, and the ‘positions’ taken about self and others. It is expressed as ‘old’ (archaic) behaviour from childhood.

Case Illustration

A client was advised to investigate a private school for his son. When he reported his findings about the school where the teaching was informal and creativity encouraged, three distinct reactions were easily observable. First, he scowled and said, “I can’t see how anyone could learn anything at that school. There’s dirt on the floor!” Leaning back in the chair, his forehead smoothed out as he reflected, “Before I decide, I think I should check on the school’s scholastic rating and talk to some of the parents.” The next minute, a broad grin crossed his face, and he said, “Gee, I’d love to have gone to a school like that!” – Muriel James.ET.AL,1971

Let’s take the example of AK, the head of a Business Unit in a large consumer products company. When AK is ticking off her team member for not meeting his KRAs or setting limits/rules for the performance of a task, she is operating out of her Controlling Parent ego state (CP). When she is providing comfort for failure and support for better performance, she is operating out of her Nurturing Parent(NP).

When she identifies the reasons for the poor performance and problem solves to ensure there is no repeat, she is operating out of her Adult ego state (A). When AK boisterously invites her team to enjoy a celebratory party for a successful completion or creatively finds an out of the box solution to a knotty problem, she is operating out of her Free child (FC). Finally, when she is adhering to organisational policies to ensure that tasks are completed or when she is complying with the expectations of others, AK is operating out of her Adapted Child (AC).

Thus, the ego states are sources of thoughts & feelings, manifested by corresponding patterns of behaviour, accompanied by typical verbal & non verbal signals. And each of us has all the ego states available to us as a repertoire. In most cases, though, we operate from only one or two predominant ego states that we draw from, which isn’t consciously chosen or wielded.

Behaviour Styles Table

BS	Description	Behavioural clues	Typical remarks**
CP (Controlling Parent)	Filled with opinions, conclusions, statements, judgments Critical of others, know it all. firmness, laying boundaries, rules Can be bossy & overbearing	Pointed finger, legs apart, arms folded across chest, wagging finger, patronising or critical tone	"You must keep in touch with all your   ex bosses" "Don't trust this guy. he's always smiling" "I think you should get everything in writing. i'm telling you for your own good" "All Politicians are corrupt"
NP (Nurturing Parent)	Caring, sympathetic, comforting, helping, supportive, reassuring Can be smothering and over protective	Arm or hand on a person's shoulder, encouraging expression, leaning forward towards the other person, concerned or caring tone of voice	"Don't get so upset. your boss will forget it in a day" "You've been working so hard. i thought i'd get you some chocolate to cheer you up." "Are you new? come i'll introduce you around"
A (Adult)	Fact based, responds primarily tothe here & now, logical,  reality testing, Solution focused, problem solving	Relaxed, erect shoulders; direct eye contact; calm & rational; discussing probabilities; open gestures	"Can we talk this thru?" "Let's solve this problem" "Why did this happen? Can we do this another way?"
AC (Adapted Child)	Polite, courteous, adapting, doing the right thing, find it difficult to refuse unreasonable demands from colleagues  & customers restrained, afraid to show off, especially polite(sometimes over polite) to customers & senior managers	Sitting very still, fidgeting nervously, eyes downcast, looking out from under eyelashes, inattentive or very attentive	"I wish i could …" Lots of 'please' and 'thank you' "Everyone says we shouldn't work on weekends"
FC (Free Child)	Affectionate, curious, enthusiastic, high energy, expressive, friendly, open, creative, quick display of feelings humour, frustration, happiness	Unselfconscious, head to one side, sitting or standing comfortably	"Come on!  let's go and watch a movie!" "Why don't we start a mobile office?" "I am so angry with the politicians"

How Ego States can be used in Coaching

For the Executive Coach, the model facilitates recognition of behaviour patterns & styles that the Coachee is operating from; this throws light on several aspects of the Coachee’s personality which can feed into Coaching goals and in some cases, can be the Coaching goals.

SS, CFO in a multinational organisation began the Coaching discussions with the need to improve his performance & productivity. He maintained that his stress levels were very high and that this has impacted his performance and deliverables. Upon deeper inquiry, we found that the stress was caused by the demands of several business units which competed for his time constantly. The problem statement emerged as his inability to refuse unreasonable demands on his time, as well as his hesitation to be ‘unpopular’.

We completed a 360 degree and gathered feedback from his stakeholders, the results of which tied in with our (Coach & Coachee) own assessment of the Coachee’s primary source of behaviour as ‘Adapted Child’. We used an ego gram to map the behaviour pattern, which expectedly showed a high bar on Adapted Child. One of the Coaching goals were then identified as strengthening his Critical Parent (to set rules & limitations) and Adult (to engage in problem solving with stakeholders rather than concede to their demands), and reducing the Adapted child and Nurturing Parent.

The strength of the model for the Executive Coach lies in its simplicity and comprehensiveness. The ego states model can thus facilitate the Coach & Coachee in recognising Coachee’s behaviour patterns/styles and also provide a framework for guiding their change agenda. It can be used specifically in Coaching agendas when leadership style is the key ingredient.

It must however be cautioned that the ego states must be used more as a means to understand the Coachee and should not be used to label the Coachee because that would go against our belief of respect and our faith in the Coachee as a “becoming person.”

References

1. Claude Steiner(1974), Scripts People Live, Grove Press, New York.
2. Eric Berne(1961), Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy, Grove Press,Inc.New York, Evergreen Books Ltd.London.
3.  Eric Berne(1964), Games People Play , Ballantine Books, New York.
4.  Eric Berne(1972), What Do You Say After You Say Hello? Corgi Books, London.
5. Ian Stewart & Vann Joines(1987),TA Today, Lifespace Publishing, Nottingham and Chapel Hill.
6. Julie Hay (1992), Transactional Analysis for Trainers, McGraw Hill Book Company, London.
7. Muriel James & Dorothy Jongeward (1971), Born To Win, Signet, New York

Kalpana Tatavarti is a CEO Coach , Consultant, Trainer and TA specialist based in Bangalore

Leveraging the power of Alternative Interventions in Coaching – an NLP perspective

By: Michelle Chaudhuri

Neuro-Linguistic Programming: The term Neuro-Linguistic Programming was coined by its co-founders, Richard Bandler and John Grinder, to represent the connection between neurological processes, language and the behavioural patterns that have been programmed into us through our experiences since birth, which can be organised to achieve specific goals in life. Bandler and Grinder claimed that NLP would be instrumental in “finding ways to help people have better, fuller and richer lives.”

NLP is a simple, skillful method for studying what goes on inside a person (the subjective experience) and the processes that people use to build their unique, distinctive maps or models of the world. It is about how the brain works; how people think, feel, learn, motivate themselves, interact with others, make choices, and achieve realistic goals. The objective is to increase the behavioural choices available to us, with a presupposition that the more choices and possibilities we become aware of and make available to ourselves, the more we will become aware of and be able to fulfill our desires.

As an Executive Coach and an NLP practitioner, I find that there are several ways in which I can leverage the simple and practical tools of NLP to forward my Coaching relationship.

In the Coaching context, NLP is best suited to help the Coach :

a) Get into the ideal state for Coaching

b) Build rapport with the client

c) Communicate effectively with the client

d) Support the client in eliminating his self limiting beliefs and learned limitations which could include low self esteem, lack of confidence, low assertiveness or just about anything that is holding the client back from being the best he could be

e) Build resilience both in herself and in the client

Let us look at these one by one…

Get into the ideal state for Coaching

The Coach can use NLP to explore her own values, beliefs and goals, establish strategies to achieve her goals, and streamline her approach. This will help enhance her Coaching skills and make her more effective. Further, the Coach can apply a technique called “Anchoring”, which involves associating a particular stimulus to a desired response, to get herself into the desired state for coaching – say, the state of being completely tuned in, empathetic, respectful, genuine, non-judgmental and non-directive towards the client. The Coach would build this ideal Coaching state for herself and associate an anchor with it. While working with a client, she could trigger this anchor whenever she needs help in maintaining this state. The Coach could also establish a similar anchor for the client, for instance, to calm him down and bring him back to the present when he gets agitated or negatively associated with his past experiences.

Build rapport with the client

NLP believes that our internal world is manifested in various ways in our external behaviour. If the Coach is able to calibrate the client’s nonverbal cues and match her communication style to that of the client at the appropriate sensory level, the Coach is better able to build understanding and rapport and facilitate the exploration of the client’s needs. One of NLP’s best known techniques is “Rapport building” which builds on the premise that people who like each other tend to be like each other. This consists of subtly and unobtrusively mirroring the body language, speaking patterns, tone, pitch, speed, and even the breathing rate of another individual. For example: leaning forward when the client does; speaking slower when the client does; using phrases like “I see what you mean” for a client who is more visual in nature, or phrases like “I have a feeling that you are right” for a client who operates from the kinesthetic, help in building the said rapport. By thus building rapport, the Coach can create an unconscious empathy with the client, and help him get settled and remain comfortable throughout the Coaching sessions.

Communicate effectively with the client

According to cognitive psychology, each of us has our own map or model of reality and hence experiences the same reality differently. This reflects in the way we think, speak and act. Often pre-existing beliefs, strategies, memories, and decisions cause us to miss out or even hide information by unconsciously deleting, generalising and distorting the information we provide to the person we are communicating with.

Everything a Coach needs to know about successful communication in the context of Coaching is encapsulated in the NLP Meta Model which helps the Coach ask the right questions and recover deleted information, clarify generalisations and challenge linguistic distortions which occur in a client’s statements, thus helping her better understand the client’s current situation.

Typically, questions may be in the form of

“What specifically ?”,

“How specifically ?”,

“According to whom ?”,

“How do you know that ?”,

“In comparison to what ?”,

“Was there ever a time when ?”

This helps the Coach align the client’s perceptions with reality, which in turn makes subsequent goals and action plans more specific and effective in achieving the results required. For example, if the client says “Everybody is mean to me”, he is using the universal quantifier “everybody” to possibly expand a specific painful situation to the level of being persecuted by the universe. In this case, the Coach’s response might be “Everybody? Which people, specifically?”

Or if the client says “He never listens to me”, the Coach might respond with “Never? Was there ever a time when he did listen to you?” Or if he says “They don’t like me”, the Coach might respond with “Who specifically does not like you?” followed by “How do you know that X doesn’t like you?” Or if the client says “I can’t tell the truth”, the Coach could respond with questions like “What would happen if you did?”, “What stops you?”, “How do you stop yourself?”

Such questions help the Coach elicit a verbal representation of the client’s full experience. They also help her evaluate the client’s answers in conjunction with body language, breathing and voice changes as discussed earlier. In time, the Meta Model helps the Coach become much more effective in empowering the client to find his own answers.

Support the client in eliminating his self limiting beliefs and learned limitations

NLP offers a powerful technique called “Reframing” which helps in dealing with problems by finding and using alternative behaviours. In ‘context reframing’, we search for another context where the behaviour is regarded as healthy, while ‘content reframing’ emphasises the positive connotation of any behaviour and transforms a potentially negative situation into a growing or learning experience. A new attitude is inculcated – “How am I going to use this behaviour?” instead of “How am I going to get rid of it?” As a result, what was earlier perceived as a problem is often no longer one. The key lies in finding out exactly what the positive intention at the root of the client’s behaviour is. For example, finding that the positive intention of a teenager’s rebelliousness is to become an independent and capable adult, can change how both the parent and the child view that behaviour. To uncover the positive intention, keep asking for what purpose the client said or did something until you arrive at the positive intention. In Coaching, we call this finding out the story behind the story.

NLP has other interesting exercises which the disbeliever might think of as far-fetched but which if followed can bring about a sea change in a client’s experiences by helping him change his mental or emotional state, perceive more opportunities, and make better choices for himself. The following can give the Coach much leverage while working with the self limiting beliefs of the client. The “Belief Change” exercises could help give the client more choices, allowing the subconscious to choose what is best. The “Perceptual Positions” exercises could get the client to step into the shoes of a future confident and successful version of himself. From this position, the client could plan on how to get there and explore the values and beliefs that he has to change to become that person. He could also be made to step into the shoes of a person with whom he is having a conflict, say his boss, to help him see things from the boss’s viewpoint. The “Swish” technique can help the client eliminate unhealthy habits and mannerisms, even those that he may not even be aware of. The “Timeline” intervention can help the client sort out events affecting his ongoing experience and could, for example, help him let go of self doubt. The “Past Timeline” exercise allows the client, with the help of his unconscious, to transform events of the past and integrate them into the present and future.

Build resilience

NLP advocates leveraging the resources of the individual, including those resources that the client might currently lack but would like to imagine as being a part of his repertoire. The “State of Excellence” technique can help bring the client to a state in which he has all possible resources available to him in a way that allows him to act with full capability. NLP thus teaches the client self responsibility and self reliance.

NLP practitioners have found that the quality of their own lives has improved dramatically by using NLP as they now are able to come up with better strategies to achieve whatever outcome they want in their lives. The key learning from NLP is that by using the set of tools and techniques it offers, it is possible to bring about a Core Transformation – transformation at the core of our being, which in turn brings about a transformation in the way we think and act, and thence in our reality – our life as we experience it. We have all the resources that we need inside of us. We have only to let them surface.

Using NLP, Coaches can facilitate the greatest impact possible in their clients, both personally as well as professionally. The self talk at the core of NLP is “I am responsible for my own behaviour and I have the resources to handle it!” As Coaching speaks the same language, the two disciplines can be integrated easily and harmoniously to the greater benefit of the client, and in many ways even speed up results dramatically making the engagement highly cost effective; a by-product both Coach and client will certainly appreciate.

Sources

Credit for much of this article goes to :

Richard P. McHugh, S.J., Mind with a Heart – Creative Patterns of Personal Change, Gujarat Sahitya Prakash, India, 1998, and to the NLP Master Practitioner course conducted by Dr. McHugh at Ashirwad Bangalore, India, 2009

Michelle Chaudhuri is an Executive Coach & Management Consultant based in Bangalore